Fundamental enclosure of hectic where my brain feels like being run over with a millions of selling voices. Lost in space trying to follow the crowd to unseen goal of the pursuit for whatever at I was not being able to grasp before. Gradually overdriven panic caused by diminishing ego is letting the way for curiosity that is made out of thousand colors and smells, all this impulses that are bombing my cerebral cortex. This is too mouch, and here comes panic again, for my receptive organ decides to shut himself off from the rest of the body. Fast I need something to calm down, a drink , coffee or something stronger, or what the hell lets be democratic and drink all at the same time. Luckily the café house run over me at that time and I found myself politely screaming for a nerve antifreeze. Tea. OK, whatever. The taste of a tea works as a relaxant to the rest of my senses letting themselves not feel as being attacked but more seduced in the folding of golden liquid travelling on it s way to the intestinal oven. The panic of loosing myself has agreed to settle itself in a group psychology within more secure cohesive flock forces, so ok let´s intersect and tangle in never ending trading spirit mixed with a consume wish of tomorrow. Tangling worked itself out. I was flying around with great ease letting myself feeling the enchanting stimuli of light, dark, sounds, smells and signs picked upon the invisible path. Than something strange started to happen as I was being grabbed and thrown away from this security of multiplicity. This tearing off was starting to disintegrate the overwhelming system of flow that I was part of , but even if it was hurting and being offensive to my newfound singularity within ones it´s dynamics did tend to bring a new spectacle and panic started to cripple again. As I was thrown away, I felt as my soul started to peal of falling in to the lagum of individual solitude. The more I was detached from it the more naked I felt. I wasn´t sure if I m going to find this coherence that at that time seamed as the only logical countermeasure to this labyrinth of seductive forcefealds. The multiplicity of myself was diminishing for my eyes, all the beauty was taken away and all I was left with is the vast darkness of the void. I was sitting in wind tunnel of lost souls looking at the giant organism of life that was unfolding below. The grid was calming my senses letting me transcendent trough this self organized singularity of mutuality that I was part of. The peace was there again. I let myself ponder, for a moment, on this new awareness. The panic was gone as I was getting ready to jump again.
December 10, 2007